Hamer Hall Melbourne 4th November 2019

Dylan Moran is an Irish national treasure and unlike some of my Irish friends (hello Alan & Paul), is a master of the English language!

This tour is called “Dr Cosmos”, his second in 4 years, his last being “Off the Hook.” The subject material in this show was similar: relationships, observations and as he approaches 50, the generation gap. He avoids current affairs (“until they change the cast”) although he momentarily succumbs and “tees off” at the banality and greed of the world before pulling himself back to something resembling middle age composure. 

Starting off as a stand up in Ireland, Moran went on to win the coveted Perrier Award at the 1996 Edinburgh Fringe at the age of 24, the youngest ever. In 2000 he wrote and starred in Black Books for the BBC. Moran’s Bernard, an alcoholic, chain smoking, misanthropic bookshop owner was brilliant and also launched the career of the wonderful Bill Bailey who’s own stand up is something to behold. The third member of Black Books, the gorgeous Tamsin Greig has also gone on to a formidable career in stage, TV and film.

What’s truly remarkable is that Dylan Moran the man, isn’t that far removed from Bernard in Black Books! The sardonic wit and razor sharp observations are the same, so I’m not convinced the role of Bernard was a major thespian stretch for him! The only difference now is that he is sober and the glass of red on stage has been replaced by tea. As someone who quit 12 years ago it’s always nice to meet another Tea Totaler who like me in his words, “quit by myself without anyone telling me.”

It hasn’t diminished anything in Moran’s delivery and firepower although he seemed a bit more reflective which I imagine comes with being a dad of growing teenagers. His turn of phrase, metaphors and improvisation are amazing and when he goes off on a stream of consciousness, you float off with him on some aimless verbal roller coaster that inevitably lands at a piss-funny crescendo.

Here are some observations from last night that can provide a flavour of what goes on in Dylan Moran’s expansive imagination.

  • (On growing up in Ireland) “It was like Chernobyl with priests.”
  • (On his kid’s disregard for him, and paradoxically their respect for their mum) “Mum, we need banana bread, what’s trigonometry?, and we’re trialing nuclear fusion upstairs.. where’s the filters? Hey you (pointing at Dylan), smell the milk.”
  • (On Melbourne’s fixation with naming restaurants with one word) “Yeah I’m at Fork, you’re at Stag, I’ll meet you at Bleed. You need oldy timey names like Priests Trousers.”
  • (Taking a shot at Gen Z) “You think life’s hard? Why? Did you drop your earphones in the toilet again?”
  • (On modern dating)  “We didn’t have Tinder! We had Aunt Ida. (Ida pointing to a prospective date) Go with that one, the one with the strong grip and low centre of gravity.”
  • (Admiration for his wife) “I was watching my wife sleeping. The only noise you could hear sounded like 2 x bees off in the distance agreeing with each other, whilst achievements circled around her head.”
  • (Description of himself sleeping) “I was snoring like one old man telling another old man to kill a bag of ducks with a mallet that’s too small.”
  • (His hatred of cats) “Our cat wanders in, looks at its bowl and in an Alan Rickman voice says, “I don’t want that. I’m going out. I’ll be in the yard having fun…or not. You’ll never know.”
  • (Men v women) “Women know all the things, and they talk to each other about all the things, while the men stare at each other like 12 year-olds who have just been asked to unpack the dishwasher.”
  • (Catching up with his wife’s friend)  “I don’t want to go to dinner with her. She looks at me like I’m a moving stain.”
  • (Smoking in the 70’s)  “Everyone smoked. Men, women, cats, fish. Anyone who was breathing was looked upon with suspicion.”
  • Life treats you like a French waiter. Stupid, ignored and alone. And at the very end they come along and take everything away.

For Lynda and I to have seen both Dylan Moran and Bill Bailey live has been a comedic dream and we can’t recommend them highly enough if they tour again. The following is a short video from Dylan’s 2006 visit to Melbourne for the comedy festival.