There’s two parts to the modern game of AFL that get up my goat, one that can be improved and another that I have to accept are the behaviours of this generation which will never be rescinded.

The AFL had a charter when it was formed in 1990 to grow the game nationally but most importantly to reinvest in community football. They’ve got half of that right.

The AFL which doesn’t pay tax, has nine what are called executives. They earn about $1.1m each. How on earth can they justify this? Any corporations in Australia with bigger revenue and profit than the AFL would have perhaps a sole Managing Director on a such a salary. Not nine.

According to the AFL’s annual report for year-end 2025, $97m went into game development which includes participation rates.

The supposed (because I don’t trust any data provided by the suits at the AFL) 7% increase in participation has come from Auskick, ie toddlers.

The reality is that for decades now, clubs, particularly regional clubs, have struggled to field senior, reserves and under 18’s sides on a weekend. Compounding the problems has been the run down facilities particularly to cater for the growth of the women’s game.

So many clubs have had to amalgamate in order to stay alive. The AFL continue to be silent on where this investment of $97m goes.

The AFL’s trickle down economics don’t apply to country footy, unless you know someone in the gilded palace. Classic boy’s club behaviour.

They are the masters of spin and unaccountability. It’s what happens when you employ a gaggle of lawyers. I see them as like a giant sow made of cash with hundreds of hungry piglets sucking on its teats and never challenging them.

Having spent thirty years working for large global companies, I can honestly say the AFL is the most complacent, arrogant and reactive organisation I’ve seen, devoid of creativity and holding in its possession the golden chalice, our beautiful indigenous game.

No other sporting organisation survives off the passion of its fans like the AFL. The NRL has nowhere near the scale of memberships or crowds at games that the AFL has and yet in terms of their connection to the fans, they win hands down.

A CEO who conducts a junket to India to grow the game based on a theory that we have a large Indian population, says to me that this is someone thoroughly removed from what we need as leadership.

Based on that premise, perhaps his next trip should be to South Sudan. Good luck returning from that one.

Ok so that’s off my chest for now.

I love footy and the athletes of today. It has been a massive part of my 63 years and I understand and am constantly reminded by my Millennial and Gen Z daughters, that I am in fact a fossil living too far in the past.

Not only do the players of today not want to hear about my generation’s old war stories, they frankly don’t give a shit.

The one thing us oldies wish we had back in the day would have been decent change-rooms. Even in the 80’s and 90’s VFA, most ground’s visitor’s rooms weren’t far removed from a public toilet.

The players of today within the VFL and AFL are blessed with superb facilities and are paid handsomely, especially in the AFL.

So kids, you may not give a rat’s clacker about the game’s history, so the following are a few aspects of the modern game that shit me. It’s tongue in cheek because as I mentioned, whatever I think, won’t change a thing, so don’t take it to heart OK?

  • Warm Ups. AFL.Remove the second warm up. Do a 15 minute one before the game and anything extra can be done in the rooms. Get the game started quicker.
  • Mud. It may have detracted from the speed of the game but performing in mud required diverse skills and allowed for differently constructed players.
  • Time to take a kick. AFL. Get rid of the 30 second shot clock. Halve it.
  • Goal celebrations. The Prancing Pony, Papley, Lohman, Rayner etc…no. We used to call them posers. Cut it out. It’s a team sport. I hope karma bites you all back. A bit of humility please. Google R. Harvey, T. Barker, B. Doull, M. Tuck and D. Fletcher for starters if you’re not sure what that means.
  • The Thumb Squeeze. Since when did a handshake change to something African Americans use in The Bronx or East LA? I must have missed that meeting. We were taught to look the other person in the eye and give a firm handshake. Some of these thumb squeezes originate so far back, they’re as long as a Michael Holding run up. Ted Whitten would be rolling over in his grave.
  • Staying on the field after a game. If you lose the game, shake hands and get off! I don’t care how well you know your opponents, contact them after the game or via tik-tok or whatever your choice of artificial communication is. Here’s an idea. Meet them afterwards for a drink in the clubhouse rather than disappearing into an isolated recovery session.
  • Tappy Tap Tap Tap. The constant need to give high fives or just tap hands. Is it insecurity? One of my daughters reckons its connectiveness. I can’t remember Lockett, Dunstall or Ablett Senior ever engaging in tappy tap ever, but somehow they managed.
  • First goal celebrations and first game announcements. Please stop this ridiculous ‘pile on’ pastime. It’s embarrassing for the game and yourselves.
  • Music after every goal. Drives the fans nuts. There was a time when your team kicked a goal, that you engaged in a chant such as “St Kilda, clap, clap, clap”. Now, because of these shit songs that get played, the cheer squads even stop because they’re drowned out. Add to that the fact that Max Hall has chosen “True Blue” as his song! A genuine wrist slasher. I wonder if the Brisbane crowd would sing Country Road if they knew the late singer/song writer was a self-confessed alcoholic, philanderer and domestic abuser? Songs after goals? End it!
  • Set shot kicking. Something that hasn’t improved in the game and anyone who kicks around the corner from 30m out in front, you should be ashamed of yourself.
  • No opposite side. Kicking and hand balling on both sides doesn’t seem to be coached anymore at junior level. The best you see is a dump kick under pressure on a player’s opposite leg. N. Daicos, Nas and Murphy Reid are a few who use the outside of their foot but the days of Greg Williams and Dean Kemp are sadly gone.
  • Lack of curtain raisers. Arriving at the ground prior to a game is soul-less.
  • Concussion. AFL. Take a leaf from the NRL. Stop the game immediately and get the player off.
  • Simplify the rules. How hard is it to produce a 20 minute video for the broadcasters and the AFL website that details what is and what isn’t an infringement just for the most contentious calls such as holding the ball or the protected zone? Get on to it Razor. He does a good job on AFL360. Educating the fans will eliminate a lot of angst.
  • 15m rule. Make it 20m.
  • Sing the song with gusto. It’s not a contractual obligation gents! These songs have been around a long time so respect them. Belt it out regardless of the game’s outcome and remove the ‘woo’s’ in between verses. It’s pathetic.
  • Stretchered players. Yes we all have empathy with an injured player but this getting around a stretchered player and touching them not only is weird but you’re hindering the medical staff. Unless you’re JC, piss off! The only thing worse is opposition players wanting to give the poor bugger a touch! Seriously!
  • Announcers and manufactured hype. Have we become a society that is so needy of being amused constantly, that we have to listen to screaming announcers and terrible club activations to keep us, the great unwashed entertained? There was a time when three games of footy was all you needed. Be authentically Australian, not American!
  • Picking opposition players up off the ground. Don’t do it regardless of who it is. It’s a massive sign of weakness and I don’t spend a thousand dollars a year for a seat to witness acts of random kindness on the footy field.

Ultimately these are first world issues. I saw a fantastic game between Melbourne and Freo today that restored my faith in the game. The fact is that in most breakdowns within an organisation, the fish rots from the head and our game is currently run by suits with their noses firmly in the trough. The sooner they drop the self interest and listen to the fans the better.