The phrase “Only in Tasmania” is something I would say on numerous occasions during a four year stint working on the ‘Apple Isle’ in the early 2000’s.

The phrase has a paradoxical nature to it. I used it to describe both good and bad aspects that I experienced as I circumnavigated this beautiful state.

I’ll start with the bad and please much of this is tongue in cheek, so don’t suddenly jump on a woke high horse because believe me, I do have Tasmanian friends despite what you’re about to read.

Tasmanians suffer from what I call geo-racism in that they don’t like people in business coming down from the ‘mainland’ and giving their opinions, however well-intentioned they may be.

The “geo-racism” isn’t just confined to “mainlanders”. The hatred between the north and the south of Tassie may well be the longest civil war in history.

This is no Hatfield’s and McCoy’s. There is serious tension whenever the Campbelltown line is crossed. The beers and public holidays change as much as the attitudes.

The north think the south are a bunch of prima-donnas and the south think the north are a bunch of hicks. I must say I found the people of the north more laid back and friendlier but that’s just an outsiders view. Being addicted to the north’s Boags Premium may have swayed that opinion.

I know of an elderly WW2 veteran who lived in a predominantly “blue blood” region north of Launceston who took the rivalry to another level.

In his backyard he had a WW1 cannon pointed south. It was a thankfully unarmed symbol to any ‘Hobartians’ who might want to come over the wall, being his front yard. Only in Tassie.

When you consider the brutality of the colonial history and the virtual removal of the Indigenous population in Tassie, I found the culture and attitudes to be unsurprisingly hard and insular.

These historical events occurred not all that long ago. For some of us it’s only a couple of generations. My grandfather arrived from Scotland in 1881 at the age of 21 when much of Australia’s ugly past was in full swing. We’re not talking about 1066 here.

So when you read about the horrors of the first settlers of Van Diemen’s Land and confine it to a small land mass such as Tasmania on those timelines, it’s inevitable that the values and attitudes aren’t far removed.

I was sent to Tasmania by my company, a global alcohol company to remove a sales rep who had been behaving illegally and to performance manage the other rep who had no passion for his job.

Once I completed that, I was on my own until I could find two more reps capable enough to employ. I had left my family at home in Victoria for two months, I had events to organise and was travelling non-stop to cover the two rep vacancies.

It was at this point that my introduction to the Tasmanian retailer’s attitude to any form of change, became apparent.

 “Nice to meet you Barry. I’ve just re-located from Melbourne”

“What do you want?”

“Well I’ve got some activity with our market leading brands to show you that can genuinely help grow your business”

“I’m ok”

“Are you sure Barry, because…”

(Barry reaches under the counter for a shotgun)

“I’ll catch you next time Barry. Thanks for your time.”

OK that’s an exaggeration but metaphorically it wasn’t dissimilar to the treatment I received in the first year calling on retailers.

An indication of the level of disenchantment and bitterness within many of the bottle shops was the bottled spirits sections within their premises.

Along with unemployment, theft and pokies addiction in Tasmania was huge. As a result, many of the shops built glass coffins to secure their expensive spirits sections.

They could be as long as thirty feet and were locked by a keypad that could only be opened by the shop staff.

They were Impenetrable unless you ‘took out’ the retailer and he or she was then prepared to disclose the passcode to the door connected to these cones of silence. Only in Tassie.

 Unemployment has always been a major issue in Tassie and there are towns on the opposite side of Hobart on the Derwent River that house hordes of blokes who are in their 40’s wearing full tracksuits and have neck tattoos. We’re not talking barista-style tattoos, more your standard swallow and prison number.

My experiences in Hobart were exacerbated by alcohol addiction, a disappointing football coaching experience, a failing marriage and ultimately poor decision making.

The outright belligerence of many of the retailers and decision makers in Tassie drove me nuts. I became quite confrontational and started inviting arguments.

Thankfully the strength of the brands and the determination of the team, meant we made significant ground and I had two sales reps to look after so I had a responsibility to reel in the frustration and not punch anyone.

After a year on the island, I was appointed as coach of a local football team and had an article complete with photo published in the Mercury newspaper.

Well, suddenly the attitudes of the former adversaries changed overnight!

“You didn’t tell us you played footy cobber!”

“You never f@*#ing asked!”

Apparently I was now bequeathed a citizen of Tasmania! Only in Tassie.

My partner and I have been in Bicheno for a week pet sitting for my niece and her husband. They came here fifteen years ago from the mines in WA, bought the local backpackers and settled to raise their kids here.

Her dad, my brother, and his wife of 57 years came over and love it here also. It’s been a real treat seeing them both as we’ve rarely caught up in the last 40+ years.

From both my niece and brother’s properties you often see whales breaching whilst Sea and Wedge Tailed Eagles nest in the trees behind my brother’s place. Only in Tassie.

We took a day trip to Freycinet National Park today. On the way, my anti-Tassie memories came flooding back.

“Look at these roads! There’s that many pot holes it’s like a slalom course! F@#k! Move over you dead-shit! Bloody Tasmanians!” And so on. Then……..

The first sighting of The Hazards, giant, prehistoric, ochre rock formations.

“Holy shit! Look at that…. Magnificent”

Immediately all negativity fades into the distance. Only in Tassie.

There are just so many monumental experiences I’ve had in Tasmania that pertain to its natural beauty that they offset the bad experiences exponentially.

 Today at the Cape Tourville Lighthouse lookout, there were shadows from small clouds reflected onto The Hazards and they moved eerily like a giant apparition across the giant rock face.  (its ok I’m not on the “choof”!)

The sky looks bluer in Tassie. The light is unaffected by pollution and is a photographer’s dream. If it’s supposed to be 20 degrees it will be soon be 25 degrees when the sun comes out because there’s no ozone layer. Only in Tassie.

Five years ago we went to Hobart for a weekend to see MONA. It took an eccentric Tassie billionaire to save the economy. What David Walsh has done for the state is generous beyond compare and draws visitors from the mainland and overseas in droves.

We decided on the second day to walk to the top of Mt Wellington from Ferntree which is about hallway up by bus.

We were clearly under-equipped wearing shorts and windcheaters but didn’t care as the beauty of the bush-track to the first carpark was stunning. We then took the road to the summit on what we believed to be a perfect Spring day.

The summit was so cold we each ducked into the respective public dunnies to warm up before descending.

As we came down the mountain it started to snow however we looked out over that incredible view of Hobart, and it was basked in bright sunshine. Only in Tassie.

As an Australian, a trip to Tasmania should be mandatory. Its history is traumatic but important and its landscapes are breathtaking.

Despite my relationships with some Tasmanians, the people are happy to be who they are so I’m in no position to judge. I have great friendships with Tasmanians through my time in the army, footy and my four years on the island. Much of the angst in hindsight was brought on by myself.

As a footnote, we hiked Freycinet for a few hours today and were naturally looking forward to lunch. We went to the Coles Bay main street which has the most amazing view of the Hazards.

I was fanging for a meat pie or two. Tassie makes the National Pie and they are very nice. I spotted the General Store which was advertising National Pies on their exterior. “You beauty”, I thought.

I entered the store and the pie warmer was the first thing I saw but it was empty. Not just empty because everything had sold, but it was clean and devoid of anything pastry-like! Not a crumb and in peak lunchtime hours. Only in Tassie.

Anyway, the café over the road called The Geographe serves great food with a smile so if you’re ever in Coles Bay do yourself a favour….just don’t hanker for a meat pie or you’ll be sorely disappointed.