FROM: Cletis Vermin

President, The Proud Boys

Trailer 666

Angry Possum Trailer Park

Ferreltown  Arkansas  USA

TO: Our President Donald Trump

The Whitehouse Bunker

Washington DC  USA

Dear Donny

How good was the revolution? What a hoot and thanks for the map, it saved us a heap of time!  I know you promised to lead us to the Capitol but I don’t recall seeing you there? Still, we understand you were probably whisked away to fight another day huh? Which brings me to the reason for this letter to you Master.

Very soon you will no longer be our fearless leader, so we’ve had a bit of a chin wag on our social media forums and we’ve agreed that we don’t want to see you sad about the fake Presidential result. Given you’ve pledged your unconditional love to us, we would like to return the favour Sir.

In February a convoy of trailers will be heading to each of your properties  to provide not only protection, but as a show of adulation you so clearly deserve. There will be 5 x trailers per property and we will be running workshops that will shed a bright and righteous light on our shared beliefs.

Our suggested itinerary is as follows:

  • Whittlin’ and tobacco chewin’ workshop
  • Wife swappin’ workshop (we insist on Melania being at that one)
  • Gingham skirt makin’ workshop run by my wife and sister (one and the same)
  • Moonshine makin’ workshop
  • Home made tattoo workshop (we need Don Jnr for that one)
  • Flag makin’ workshop
  • Write your own constitution workshop
  • Free dental
  • For the kiddies, a petting zoo with plenty of racoons and ferrets as well as a BB gun instructional workshop.
  • Our regimental band The Doodlebugs will be rotating through the locations playing their hits, “Grab Me Some Pussy”, “Make America Great Again”, “It’ll All Go Away”, “The Needle and the Dettol Gun”, “I’ve Heard a Lot of People Say”, “8 Days of Tweets”, “Fake News Blues”, “Please Don’t Mask Me”, “I Get My Thrills on Capitol Hill”, “China Virus” and “Don’t Impeach Me”.
  • BBQ workshops. Each trailer will supply its own bison and 30 x pounds of corn bread so there’ll be enough for a couple month’s cookin’ demonstrations.

At the end of each day Sir, we will have a 21 x shotgun salute to you and your courageous family who have endured hell these past 4 years. There has been some nasty commentary  from fake scientists saying that 90% of the fake Covid deaths could have been prevented with the right leadership and that once you are removed from Office, class actions will be taken. I’ve never been in a class before, but we will be there for you to take action.

 I know you can’t wait to see us and you will no doubt be happy to provide complimentary entry to all your golf clubs and casinos where we can share our philosophies with your friends and fellow true believers.

Thankyou for keeping us white, misogynous, uninformed and armed to the teeth. We love you Donny.

Forever Yours and God Bless America (or what’s left of it),

Cletis, My wife and sister Chastity, My cousin Faith and my dog, Skeeter