As a teenager growing up in WA there was a right of passage on a Sunday evening, The Winners and Countdown, both on ABC TV.

 The Winners was the greatest footy show ever and after watching it, often led to a quick game in the hallway with rolled up socks.

Countdown I could take with a grain of salt. At times it was like watching a car crash with intoxicated musicians and its host for that matter. I was also discovering rock and blues music, so much of what Molly Meldrum was dishing up seemed very lightweight and puerile.

I love Molly. He’s self-deprecating, generous and most importantly a die-hard Saints supporter. He did a lot for Australian music but his influence over what was played on TV and radio was all encompassing at the time.

Basically Molly oversaw and promoted some of the worst music I can ever remember and those ‘tunes’ still resonate as occasional ‘ear worms’ to this day.

These are some that regurgitate themselves when I least expect it. (The opinions of the following songs belong to the author and he alone)

  • Goosebumps & He’s My #1 – Christy Allen. Christy arrived on Countdown from Perth and was very successful over a short period with these two singles. At the time she was WA’s finest export along with Karen Pini. Rating: Like chewing old bubblegum.

  • Get Used To It – Roger Voudouris – Is there anything that better epitomises 70’s pop than this gorgeous looking man with the flowing locks sweating his arse off under a woollen jumper? The song has a stalking narrative but no one cared because you got distracted by the wind on the hair and the microphone work. Rating: Like eating wet cardboard.

  • Torn Between Two Lovers- Mary MacGregor . This is Infidelity, plain and simple. No redeeming features whatsoever. This made #1 believe it or not. Rating: Like squeezing lemon juice into my eyes.

  • Lay Your Love On Me & Some Girls – Racey. These demon spawn were previously clothes dummies in a London department store. I prayed they would spontaneously combust. Rating: Dog poo on toast.

<

  • Before The Next Teardrop Falls – Freddy Fender. Another dodgy narrative based on moving in on a woman while she is in another relationship. Early gaslighting for mine and  inexplicably #1 in Australia. Rating: Food poisoning from a dodgy burrito.

  • Billy Don’t Be A Hero & The Night Chicago Died – Paper Lace. Another band sent from the UK in the mid 70’s to taint our collective unconscious. Both went to #1. Hang your head in shame Australia. Rating: Rotten as a chop in the midday sun.

  • S S S Single Bed – Fox. Noosha Fox was a singer from Sydney who moved to the UK in the early 70’s and sang a song about not having enough room to sleep with her boyfriend. Another #1 and woeful. Rating: Nails down a blackboard then eating those nails.

  • My Little Angel – William Shakespeare. Another homegrown #1 was performed by this man in very tight satin pants. There’s something quite inappropriate about this performance on Countdown in front of a studio full of pre-pubescent girls but that’s how it was. In fact he was charged with statuary rape with a 15YO member of his fan club under his real name of John Cave in 1975. Sadly William’s career didn’t have the longevity of his playwright namesake. Rating: A gravel sandwich.

  • The Way That You Do It – Pussyfoot. Patti Smith or Joni Mitchell could only dream of writing a masterpiece such as this. Oo Na Na Hya Hya still haunts me to this day. Listening to it now fifty years on, I still feel the same way, wanting to unscrew my skull and suck my brain out with a vacuum cleaner. Rating: A bowl of raw chilli with crushed glass.