I first met Greg at Werribee FC in 1989 and we have been best friends ever since. 1989 was WFC’s first entry into the VFA’s Division 1 and Geelong champ Michael Turner’s first and only venture into coaching.
Greg was an emergency for the 1991 Grand Final and had an excellent post-WFC playing career with Bacchus Marsh alongside his brother Heath, both winning multiple B&F’s. Greg, Heath and eldest brother Gareth all became teachers before Greg moved into psychology where he worked at North Melbourne FC for 3 years and completed his Masters before now working as a clinical psychologist.
I knew Greg played guitar but in 3 years of knowing him, hadn’t actually heard him. One Saturday night a week before the 1992 pre-season camp at Point Lonsdale, Greg popped around to my house in Hoppers with his guitar and a thick songbook of classic songs by the Beatles, Neil Diamond, Simon & Garfunkel et all. Turns out Greg was an accomplished guitarist who had played professionally.
Despite the success the club had in 1991, we felt culturally things still could have been better at the club. There was a sense of the “haves” and “have-nots” particularly in terms of player payments and players not getting games on merit. From that premise, the False Idols was born. From 9 pm to 3 am that night we wrote and recorded 16 satirical songs about the club and players.
We approached coach Leon Harris at training that week and offered to do a concert at the Point Lonsdale camp. In the previous 2 x camps we usually did a “Red Faces” style show so this was a big gamble. Fast forward to Saturday night at Point Lonsdale and Greg and I are frankly shitting ourselves as we step up on stage. On stage is a “beatbox” tape deck recording the moment for posterity.
We sing the first song, “Walk Right In Walk-Up Start” to rapturous applause from the players and staff. By the time we finished 40 minutes later, Leon, Turtle, and Kirk were convinced we were the new Coodabeen Champions! So impressed were they, that they convinced us to perform at the annual Sportsman’s Night at the Racecourse. Nice idea but unfortunately we came on at the end of the night when everyone wanted to go home, so after 3 songs it was all over. I can still see Mork (Leon) running his finger across his neck Kevin Sheedy style! I’ve never sweated so heavily as that night and Greg and I went back to his place afterward swearing to never perform again!
The False Idols were coaxed back by Turtle and Mork for one last show after a Sunday recovery session the day after a televised game against Prahran. We wrote another 8 songs for the boys and took a couple of requests! The show was called “Cold August Morning” as opposed to “Hot August Night”! Turtle had it filmed and I have it at home for my kids to watch one day. The whole experience would have been impossible without Greg’s skill on the guitar and his “born again Christian” voice offsetting my “Tom Waits-like” gravel voice!
I recently found the original songs in the shed so I thought some of the old players might find them interesting. There are some that can never be published simply because I can’t afford the legal fees! Ritchie, Walshy and Sellsy, its ok you’re safe! The recording of the Point Lonsdale show was actually quite good and Greg had a friend who did some artwork and I made some cassettes for players. Walshy, Grunter, and Radders if you still have one I would love to get it back and have it turned into a cd. This is the artwork designed for the cassettes.
As mentioned “Walk Right In Walk-Up Start” was the first song we wrote and performed. WFC post-1988 became a pretty transient club for players from all over Melbourne and Geelong. Some players were given opportunities somewhat prematurely shall we say? Enter “Walk Right In Walk-Up Start”. It was sung to Dr Hook’s “Walk Right In”.
Walk Right In, Walk-Up Start
Where the hell did you come from?
Walk Right In, Walk-Up Start
Was it Footscray or Geelong?
Everybody’s talkin’ ‘bout a new import
Get those chequebooks out right now (right now!)
Walk Right In, Walk-Up Start
Where the f… did you come from?
Where the f… did you come from? (once more!)
Where the f… did you come from?
Dynamic “Back Pocket Rocket” Anthony Eames was the club’s first Liston Trophy winner in 1991. An accumulator of possessions, “Eamer” and his blonde mullet was one of the main reasons our club made it to the 1991 GF. Despite his brilliance “Eamer” wasn’t big on handballing. Enter “Eames, Eames, Eames” sung to the Everly Brothers “All I Have to do is Dream”.
When I’m near you
On the field
When I need you
Running past
Whenever I’m in trouble
You are always there
Its Eames
Eames Eames Eames – Eames
When you’ve got the ball
And you’re in trouble
I am always there
On the double
Will you give the handball?
Oh no you won’t
Its Eames
Eames Eames Eames – Eames
I can scream and shout
Wave my arms about
Anytime throughout the game
Only trouble is – Gee wiz
Whoops you haven’t seen me again
I need you so
To boost my stats
I’ve got this coach
On my back
So please give it off
Please just this once
Oh Eames
Eames Eames Eames – Eames
